HIM.......Revealed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (PART II)

So here I am, sitting with the only ONE who ever loved me, given the chance to explain away my wrong, but I can’t. I’m struck by HIS gentle look, the question in HIS eyes, and the worry lines on HIS forehead. HE has been worried, wondering why coming home took me this long, and then I had to speak. “YOU should be mad at me” I whisper, “YOU ought not to let me in, why aren’t YOU mocking at me, why are YOU showing worry, where there should be a snare, a look of I told you so?” I look at HIM trying to spot any sign of malevolence, instead HE sighs “would you say Ayo mi (my joy), that you do not know me by now?”

His account: “The day you left, is a bleak one, a light went out in the hallways of this home. I was moody, restless, and angry. ‘Let her go, she’ll be driven home by the cold winds, if hunger pangs don’t do so first. I was angry at you, but it didn’t last. You know MY anger is but for a moment, yes I wanted to be angry at you, how could you subject me to the pain I felt on that cold Friday morning when I paid the price demanded by (L)? How could you leave without a backward glance? I watched you leave from the balcony and you did not look back even once. I wanted to discipline you, so I took away my protective presence, but I was still loving you, and began to intercede with THE FATHER on your behalf. Everywhere I looked Eri mi (my witness), I saw you; I was reminded of your laugh and zest for life. I began to pine for your company, the adoration in your eyes, and the love in your voice raised in song, early in the morning. Eventually I set out after you, sending the one who convicts to work as only HE can. I saw what you were becoming with (f), and I was maddened. Even more so, I was saddened by the state you were sliding into, it was worse than when I first met you. Then I saw the one who convicts begin to work on your mind, delighted as HE peeled back the layers, and saddened as I saw the pain begin to hit, but it was needful. I watched as the battlefield of your mind came alive. Your senses were engaged in a battle, the same epic battle fought since the fall that gave (L) lordship over this terrestrial ball, and I longed to help, but I couldn’t without your willingness to have me help.

“BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE, YOU OWN ME!” I cried standing and walking towards an open window, tears rolling down my face. “I may” HE said quietly, “but I gave you a will to make choices after paying the price. I did not want a slave girl, I wanted a bride, a friend, a companion, one who was in my likeness…..” then HE was silent. My heart ached as I saw the emotions on HIS face. The pain I’d caused, the sadness at my pain and HIS yearning for me to come home. Then it broke! That thing on the inside; the rebellious streak that I had been unaware of, and I went cold. I had toyed with death, because of it, but what was it? If I did it once, wouldn’t I do it again? What was the way out? Who could? For how long before it returned and how long would it take to eradicate it? I turned to face HIM, that brilliant smile is forever etched in my mind. HE was standing behind me, a rock solid tower of refuge and strength. Hands outstretch, HE said “let’s take a walk.” HE took me down a path, we’d walked many times, and I could see developments that had sprung up while I was away. We came to the river, that clear, pure, living giving flow whose source is from the throne room of THE FATHER. I had been there severally with HIM, to minister and worship with the rest of the family HE sat me down at the bank and said, the answer to the multitude of questions, I have. It, is your sin nature, inherited by your link to the first Adam, you can by MY grace be sure not to do it again, I am the way out, I can, it will be gone if and when you agree to become one with me, and it is gone forever.

I looked at Him, afraid to believe HE had actually heard the questions yet unasked, but I was not surprised, one of HIS names is the Omniscient. Could HE follow through on all HE had just said? Of course, another name of HIS is Omnipotent. I could never say no to that glowing countenance. Slowly I looked out and thought of what HE was offering my weary and travel-battered soul. It was rest; complete and sweet, it was restoration; sure and simple, it was reconciliation; craved for desperately. Slowly I let my head fall forward till it rested on HIS chest, and I could feel the pulse of HIS heart, a heart beating for me. I smiled as I said to HIM, “yes, take me, all of me, and use me as you will; take over, consume and totally fill me till I’m overflowing with you. I surrender all of me, wretched as I am, if you will have me, I am willing.” HIS arms tightened around me, and I knew I’d never walk alone. His breath filled me, and there was a strength brewing within, as HE led me to the river, and told me to dip myself in it till I was completely submerged. Was HE trying to kill me, you ask… (Chuckle), even if HE was, I was totally surrendered. I entered the river, and submerged, let the water flow over me, there was a strong tingle, and it seemed as if a dead weight was being pulled of me by the current. Strong hands reached in and pulled me up till I was standing knee deep. HIS voice said look down, and I saw my likeness at the bottom of the river, before it was carried away. “What’s going on, who is she?” I asked. He smiled and said “the old man/it/sin nature”. As I lifted my eyes to HIS I smiled, I was vibrantly alive. HE helped me up onto the bank, and handed me new raiment, such as I had never seen, once I was changed, I looked at my reflection in the water and could barely recognize myself. It was a me I had not seen since I left. He placed his palm on my head, and warm scented oil flowed down my face and to my back, a gladness welled up in me when that oil made contact. The finishing touch was a waist girdle of the finest silk. Golden in color, it shimmered as the light hit it. I looked and saw that it was connected to HIM. “What is it?” I questioned, “It’s bound to ME, and so binds you to me. It is truth, pure and simple; I am the Truth, in ME there is no deceit. You will find ME faithful, even when you are faithless, not one word that I speak to you, will go unfulfilled. I am with you always, never doubt that. For a while, I stood wrapped in HIS arms, letting HIS love make me whole again, then HE whispered “THE FATHER is waiting.”

HIM.......Revealed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (PART I)

So I started to pick my life back up again. Was it ever shattered? Well not shattered, but derelict with an air of desolation. How else does one explain a desire to be away from it all, knowing what needed to be done, but being unable to do it? First I had to let go of people and things that would be a hindrance to clearly hearing and following. It’s like loosing a limb, when you let go of someone you love. The sensation remains, but it’s an illusion, they’re gone and it’s for good. After this comes a serious cleaning and setting of house in order. The junk (sins, lusts of the eyes, baggage like pride, hurt and forgiveness) was packed up and put out for the garbage man to collect. Still on a roll, the prayer mat was brought out and the altar set up. Then came the moment of great suspense; would that timid knock be heard, and would HE want to see me? So I sat and began to wait, and it didn’t take long for HIM to grace me with HIS presence. As I waited to see how much scolding I could take before running off, I was amazed to see myself reduced to tears. There were no vibes of animosity or disgust, in fact HE seemed like HE was restraining Himself from loving on me with a hug. After all I had left, not HIM. It was amazing to see, HE was as I remembered, warm, light, refreshing, and a breath of fresh air for my starved lungs. HE was silent, watching me, taking in the sorry mess that I’d become. HE saw me embattled, and struggling to keep my facade in place, and then HE smiled, and it broke me, as it’s rays tugged at my heart reminding me of a time when we  never were apart, a time when we laughed, and played and didn’t have a care in the world. It reminded me of a time when our minds were connected, and HIS thoughts became mine.

Then I saw the way I left. The day is a blur, it had all started slowly, like poison in the system, and it had started with my mind, this rot that wouldn’t go away spreading like cancer. One thought and I was hooked. Like a moth to a flame, I was drawn, and the tango was my favorite dance. Slowly my time was consumed with this new fangled thought, and I withdrew from HIM. Did HE try to reach me? Yes severally, HE would try to talk, but I’d shut HIM out. I was taken in by this illusion, and slowly this virtuous woman began to shed virtue for the glamor. She began to trade her beauty for ash offered on a gold platter. HE pleaded, HE cajoled, HE threatened, all to no avail, like a sleepwalker unaware of danger, I was oblivious and then I arrived at that sorry sad place, where I could share my pain and worry with none. The facade had to stay in place and so it was!!!!!!!!!!!! As I wandered, lost, alone, miserable, and cold with nothing to show for myself but the material things gathered, and an empty house. My mind awoke as it fixated on a memory of a home, of joy, of peace, and so much love. How do I go back? HE wouldn’t want me now, would HE?

I remember the day HE had come for me. We had met, with me sitting on my own, a slave to master (f). I bothered no one, but was unhappy. I wanted more but was not getting it. HE had seen me and taken it all in at a glance. HE saw my heart, and it’s desires, HE saw my struggles. HIS warmth was inviting, and as I gravitated towards HIM, I saw life for all it was meant to be. He chose to pay the price set by King L. HIS blood! What???????? Yes you read right, HIS blood. That was King L’s ultimate requirement. I was his by virtue of my liaison with master (f), and he would not let me go so easily. He paid willingly, not a word was uttered as HE took that beating, as HE was humiliated, HE thought only of the joy true freedom would bring me and that was enough for HIM. And so it was that we began out love affair. Yes I flaunted HIS requests, denied HIM HIS rights and kept HIM locked out when the fancy took me, but still HE loved me with no conditions attached, remembering the girl HE had seen and fallen in love with. Now I’d walked out, not giving a hoot, right back into the arms of master (f), and for HIM it was like death again, like being humiliated again. So why would HE want me? Better girls waited on HIM, willing to love as I hadn’t. I tried to think of a time when HE had ever been unfaithful or hurtful, but kept drawing a blank. HE had been perfect in every way, indulgent but still firm enough to curb my excesses. He’d seen my inabilities, but he had covered them with HIS abilities. HE had taken my pain, and replaced it with every joy known to man. Even when we fought, HE would reach out time and time again. In my foolishness, I walked out, because I felt I was tired of being holy, tired of living pure, I wanted to “live”, but it was futile, and alone I was finding that out.

Summoning all the strength left in me, I put my house in order, and I head to His place before nerves desert me. I was certain I would be scorned, but even if I was the sight of HIM would warm my heart. I expected to be turned back at the gates, as the HIS guards had already probably been briefed on the ingrate of a bride, who’d abandoned her home. What a surprise it was when on seeing and recognizing me, they quickly opened the gates. I’d come as I was, filthy and very tired from cleaning up, or trying to. The glamor (ash) was there, but a “bruised reed” was what was visible. They ushered me past the courtyard and into the room where HE receives important guests. Now this was unexpected, I was not in the right frame of mind to see anybody, but HIM. Was this a ploy to embarrass me, make me feel like less than I already felt? Then the air changed, and I Knew HE had walked in. I was afraid to turn around, what would I see in HIS eyes? He however had no such qualms, as HE walked round, took my hands without a word and led me into our living room. HE sat me down, and that is how I got to where I started of. HIS silence was unnerving, and I knew HE saw it all, but wanted me to feel comfortable in HIS presence, easier said than done.

           

Musings!!!!!!!

What pushes the human mind to imagine things that create inventions or notions that change the way we view life? There are so many opinions out there, that even my decision to believe any is based on my opinion! Falling in step with the crowd, is simply a way for me to be forgotten, so take the path less trodden always!!! You lose your value, when the situation you find yourself in breaks you or worse still renders you normal (reaction wise).
 It's been a while since I could write, and its cause I've been undergoing a transformation. It's back to the books for me, and why is a question I've been asked. Well I decided I wanted more out of life, and a change in not only career, but also continent was required. Who in their right senses uproots herself from all she's ever known, and relocates to a place where she doesn't speak the language, simply in the bid to discover her? Well I can count myself amongst that group of people. Do I like it? not yet sure!!!! Do I want to be here? Daily the answer is a resounding yes!!!
I've been thrust into a place where I can only get stronger intellectually and emotionally. A place where denial is the stepping stone to acquiring all I could ever desire. Who says i can't be all i want to be and more? Who says that's just the way it is? One who couldn't achieve all they thought, who quit the climb to the zenith and now regrets every waking moment.
I won't be that way, so i am determined to "do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

 How does any of these tie into the grand design, I'm not sure, but as always when you need answers, turn to the One whose very nature is divine!!!!!!!!

Sufficient for today

So i woke up today, after a night of tossing; thoughts that ran off at the first peak of daylight, the effects strong enough to keep me a bit pensive. What does living really entail, is it all about the accolades garnered as we move from one stage of life to another, is it all about meeting that right person, and working towards having a family of one's own. See I've never believed that the end all and be all of life is to be born and then to die. There is a grander design, i know that my maker had my life interwoven into the masterpiece being woven, and so i am on a path of discovery. The discovery of what, well let's just say, that it's time to find out the purpose of existence. Time is of the essence though as one grapples with the different desires, that come from being in different stages of life......Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

I had gone from seeking fulfillment in education, to seeking fulfillment in my profession, and now am moving up a notch. How time flies, twas just a while back that i was walking home from elementary school, and then giving speeches to my graduating high school class, and now i'm a trained professional who is not only part of the workforce, but also seeking higher and better qualifications. Tell me then, does this race ever end? For how long will i struggle to be the best i can be?  as i pondered on all these, my alarm went signalling the start of the mad rush to get to work, and i was off. As i drove into work though i smiled as i remembered a verse from the bible that says "sufficient for he day is it's own trouble", and so indeed it is. My day is on and as i attend to patient's, i must say tomorrow's worries will be dealt with then.