So here I am, sitting with the only ONE who ever loved me, given the chance to explain away my wrong, but I can’t. I’m struck by HIS gentle look, the question in HIS eyes, and the worry lines on HIS forehead. HE has been worried, wondering why coming home took me this long, and then I had to speak. “YOU should be mad at me” I whisper, “YOU ought not to let me in, why aren’t YOU mocking at me, why are YOU showing worry, where there should be a snare, a look of I told you so?” I look at HIM trying to spot any sign of malevolence, instead HE sighs “would you say Ayo mi (my joy), that you do not know me by now?”
His account: “The day you left, is a bleak one, a light went out in the hallways of this home. I was moody, restless, and angry. ‘Let her go, she’ll be driven home by the cold winds, if hunger pangs don’t do so first. I was angry at you, but it didn’t last. You know MY anger is but for a moment, yes I wanted to be angry at you, how could you subject me to the pain I felt on that cold Friday morning when I paid the price demanded by (L)? How could you leave without a backward glance? I watched you leave from the balcony and you did not look back even once. I wanted to discipline you, so I took away my protective presence, but I was still loving you, and began to intercede with THE FATHER on your behalf. Everywhere I looked Eri mi (my witness), I saw you; I was reminded of your laugh and zest for life. I began to pine for your company, the adoration in your eyes, and the love in your voice raised in song, early in the morning. Eventually I set out after you, sending the one who convicts to work as only HE can. I saw what you were becoming with (f), and I was maddened. Even more so, I was saddened by the state you were sliding into, it was worse than when I first met you. Then I saw the one who convicts begin to work on your mind, delighted as HE peeled back the layers, and saddened as I saw the pain begin to hit, but it was needful. I watched as the battlefield of your mind came alive. Your senses were engaged in a battle, the same epic battle fought since the fall that gave (L) lordship over this terrestrial ball, and I longed to help, but I couldn’t without your willingness to have me help.
“BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE, YOU OWN ME!” I cried standing and walking towards an open window, tears rolling down my face. “I may” HE said quietly, “but I gave you a will to make choices after paying the price. I did not want a slave girl, I wanted a bride, a friend, a companion, one who was in my likeness…..” then HE was silent. My heart ached as I saw the emotions on HIS face. The pain I’d caused, the sadness at my pain and HIS yearning for me to come home. Then it broke! That thing on the inside; the rebellious streak that I had been unaware of, and I went cold. I had toyed with death, because of it, but what was it? If I did it once, wouldn’t I do it again? What was the way out? Who could? For how long before it returned and how long would it take to eradicate it? I turned to face HIM, that brilliant smile is forever etched in my mind. HE was standing behind me, a rock solid tower of refuge and strength. Hands outstretch, HE said “let’s take a walk.” HE took me down a path, we’d walked many times, and I could see developments that had sprung up while I was away. We came to the river, that clear, pure, living giving flow whose source is from the throne room of THE FATHER. I had been there severally with HIM, to minister and worship with the rest of the family HE sat me down at the bank and said, the answer to the multitude of questions, I have. It, is your sin nature, inherited by your link to the first Adam, you can by MY grace be sure not to do it again, I am the way out, I can, it will be gone if and when you agree to become one with me, and it is gone forever.
I looked at Him, afraid to believe HE had actually heard the questions yet unasked, but I was not surprised, one of HIS names is the Omniscient. Could HE follow through on all HE had just said? Of course, another name of HIS is Omnipotent. I could never say no to that glowing countenance. Slowly I looked out and thought of what HE was offering my weary and travel-battered soul. It was rest; complete and sweet, it was restoration; sure and simple, it was reconciliation; craved for desperately. Slowly I let my head fall forward till it rested on HIS chest, and I could feel the pulse of HIS heart, a heart beating for me. I smiled as I said to HIM, “yes, take me, all of me, and use me as you will; take over, consume and totally fill me till I’m overflowing with you. I surrender all of me, wretched as I am, if you will have me, I am willing.” HIS arms tightened around me, and I knew I’d never walk alone. His breath filled me, and there was a strength brewing within, as HE led me to the river, and told me to dip myself in it till I was completely submerged. Was HE trying to kill me, you ask… (Chuckle), even if HE was, I was totally surrendered. I entered the river, and submerged, let the water flow over me, there was a strong tingle, and it seemed as if a dead weight was being pulled of me by the current. Strong hands reached in and pulled me up till I was standing knee deep. HIS voice said look down, and I saw my likeness at the bottom of the river, before it was carried away. “What’s going on, who is she?” I asked. He smiled and said “the old man/it/sin nature”. As I lifted my eyes to HIS I smiled, I was vibrantly alive. HE helped me up onto the bank, and handed me new raiment, such as I had never seen, once I was changed, I looked at my reflection in the water and could barely recognize myself. It was a me I had not seen since I left. He placed his palm on my head, and warm scented oil flowed down my face and to my back, a gladness welled up in me when that oil made contact. The finishing touch was a waist girdle of the finest silk. Golden in color, it shimmered as the light hit it. I looked and saw that it was connected to HIM. “What is it?” I questioned, “It’s bound to ME, and so binds you to me. It is truth, pure and simple; I am the Truth, in ME there is no deceit. You will find ME faithful, even when you are faithless, not one word that I speak to you, will go unfulfilled. I am with you always, never doubt that. For a while, I stood wrapped in HIS arms, letting HIS love make me whole again, then HE whispered “THE FATHER is waiting.”
